Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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