i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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