the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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