some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
