you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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