i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
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