And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
