A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
