He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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