dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
