you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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