i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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