Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
