It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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