is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
