Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
zippers are such a cool invention
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Drake has all the answers
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
