I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
