you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
