I want to walk on stilts...naked
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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