i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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