Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
