The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
