wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Randomize
