The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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