is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
