It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
