Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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