I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just forgot I was standing up.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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