Got a toothbrush?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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