he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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