he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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