We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
