walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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