I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Terrible idea I love it
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
