i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
