why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Randomize
