Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
