You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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