fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
