im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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