I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
