U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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