there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
