im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
