is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
