Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
