There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
