after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
