He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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