He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
