AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
